FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
