...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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