you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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