he thought i was a dude.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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