community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
