my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
