I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
