i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize