guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
