my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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