maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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