It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
