i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
