Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
