First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
