Umm I'm too high to move.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
