a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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