I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
