I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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