oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
