While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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