I'm really into asian looking animals
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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