Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
