for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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