pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
