Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
