watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
