the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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