Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
