Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
