I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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