he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
