Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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