Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
