Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
