There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
