I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
