Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize