Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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