we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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