1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
