Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of course I have a pirate flag
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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