New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
