I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
