You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
