I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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