oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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