I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize