She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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