Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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