Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
