id be glad to
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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