i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
