I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize