Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
