Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
birth control should be required to get into college
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
