There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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