I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
