My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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