I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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