Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize