are you still at the devil's house?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And then he peed in my hair
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