my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
