My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
