dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
