i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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