ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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