omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
