just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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