i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
