overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
