I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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