; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
