I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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