smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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